So who is Jason Dean Hale?
Hm.. Hard to say. I've so many different faces, it's really hard to grasp who I really am. An angel to those who need light of heart, a demon to others who piss me off. Currently, I will be a junior this year at Irvington Highschool. Some hopes, goals, and aspirations of mine are to just live a happy, easygoing life, to become a writer, and a doctor, to raise my own family someday.. Sept. 26 is my birthday, I get my license then. I have so much ahead of me.. All in all, I really don't know what to say about myself. I love Julie.

What did you intend this site to be?
What did you get that wasn't expected?

Basically, I saw so many sites out there that looked and felt so nice.. I just wanted to create one of my own. With no real intentions or ideas on what to make a site about, what better than to write a little about my life? It's a place where I really open up, to an extent. I vent out all my anger and frustrations here. I raise questions, state my opinions, and gain feedback from viewers on this site.

I never really had an idea of what my audience would be, but then I started to get responses from people I both knew and didn't know, saying how my writing has lifted their spirits. It was then that I realized I can be a good person and help others through my writing.. It was never meant to be all too depressing, but mellow and uplifting. Some of my friends in real life would never have guessed this side of me. People said it was a little feminine, or too deep. All in all, I feel that everyone liked it. I got tired of all the compliments though, I just wished that someone would criticize my work lol.

You can contact me via AIM              -   s0hu 
      (the 0 is a zero)

Any last words?

Kibou no Hi

    Don't worry everyone, as soon as I finish completing other projects and such, I'll most likely stick around and do some other website. It's not over yet. Never is. In all dedication to my friends and family - Julie, Ken, Sandi, Argeline, Ron, Randell, Russell, Joanna, Joanne, Alice, Sonii, Taylor, Grace, Jenny, James, Julie(Yu), Cheryn, Jun, Camille, Michelle, Michael, Jericho, Shan, Robert, Josh, Christina, Kai, Becca, Richard, Greg, Jon, Trinity, and to everyone else! Hahah I never wanted to end this on a sad or angry note. But now, a little entry from Shin Seiki Evangelion :

Still, the reality itself might not be bad, but I could still hate myself.

But it's your mind which takes reality and separates it, into what's bad and hateful.

It is only the mind which separates reality from truth.

The angle of view and the position from which you view your reality, will change the perception of it's nature. It is all literally a matter of perspective.

There are as many truths as there are people.

But there's only one truth, that is your truth. That's the one that's formed from whatever point of view that you choose to view it from. It's a revised perception, that protects you.

That's true. And one can have a perspective that's far too small.

However, a person can only see things from the perspective that they choose to see them from.

One must learn to judge things via the perceived truths that one receives from others.

For example. Sunny days make you feel good.

Rainy days make you feel gloomy.

If you are told this is so, then that is what you believe is so.

But you can have fun on a rainy day as well.

Your truth can be changed simply by the way you accept it. That's how fragile the truth for a human is.

A persons truth is so simple, that most ignore it to concentrate on what they thing are deeper truths.

You for example, are simply unused to what it is to be liked by others.

You've never learned how to deal with fearing what others feel about you and so you avoid it.

But, don't the other's hate me?

What are you stupid?! Haven't you realized it's all in your imagination!?

But, I hate myself.

One who truly hates himself, cannot love, he cannot place his trust in another.

I'm a coward, I'm cowardly, sneaky and weak...

No, only if you think you are. But if you know yourself, you can take care of yourself.

I hate myself. But, but maybe, maybe I could love myself. Maybe my life could have a greater value. That's right I am no more or less than myself. I am me. I want to be myself. I want to continue existing in this world. My life is worth living here!

Yeah!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Thank you, all.

Thank you to my father

Good bye to my mother.

And to all of the children...

Congratulations!

                   CLiCK
                                            Lift my spirits .
               

   .//beat<-.::happy/i can't stop smiling!
   > [song]- {Rip Slyme : mata au hi made))
     |TAG||- "There are as many genders in
             in this world as there are
            people.."                             
                       -Kinpachi Sensei

      Sup everyone?! x) Life is sweet. What else can I say? It seems that everything's settled and in order, so I'm happy. Wow, happy.. lmao I haven't been 'happy' in quite a while! X_x; All thanks to some special peoples.. Before I start off telling yall what I've been up to, I want to give a special thanks to Elizabeth for hosting the new music! ^.^ <3 much love!

Wow, I pulled off another all-nighter.. Either I'm going to fight to stay awake until 10pm today and fix my sleeping schedule, or give up miserably and sleep all day.. Aight so today I woke up 9-ish and played bball. Y'kno, usual work out routine. A little swimming in the afternoon. I came back and talked to Sonii for a while and then took off to Hometown Buffet.

Lmao I feel kinda bad, my mom paid ten dollars and I ate like a small plate of bbq, a bowl of soup, and some ice cream. Lol then I come home and I'm like, "So what's for dinner?" Lol and oh yeah I drove to Hometown too. It was alright, I need to get used to the car. It has more power than the cars from Capitol City.

      After Hometown we went to the Mall to get my new glasses. The pair I got was nice. Since my glasses have been fucked up for so long I'm getting a new pair for those times when I go out in public, but nowhere special. Otherwise I made a new order for more contacts for places like school and such. But the glasses were like $295.. They're made by a Japanese company called Hikari and they're cool looking, silver, and transitionals. They automatically tint in bright areas and go clear in darker places. So I pick them up later today.

It was kinda embarrassing while I was getting my glasses 'cause my dad was being a fckn' schizo. Shit he keeps on blabbin' n shit, I'm suprised my mom didn't get on his ass. Like when we were discussing the prices, we got like $75 dollars off on the price and apparantly it wasn't good enough for him. He was all, "How come BOTH my pairs were less than his??" And my mom says, "Because you maxed out the vision on our insurance, and then paid some!" Lmao, my dad sucks. So then when he goes to get his nosepads replaced, I walk outside into the Mall and see Jo. Lol I tried calling to her like 5-6 times but sh didn't hear/see me.. =\ My mom's all pushin' me to go up to her 'n say hi, but she kinda creeped me out how she was staring at Jo as if she were stalking/judging her appearance.. X_x; My parents are so embarrassing.. So I just turned around as if Jo was never there..

We went to Petco to buy some fish food, and then I drove to Tapioca Express. Lol my parents kinda got mad because I drove hella fast in the parking lot, but I insisted that I knew what I was doing, (which I really wasn't) and got away with it! :D Mmm.. Honeydew Bubble owns!

When we got home my mom was all my at dad for parking next to our neighbors - there were too many kids running around on scooters 'n all.. So when we get in I'm all, "I'll move the car! =]" So my dad gives me the keys and I go out there. I heard my mom kinda yelling after me not to go but eh.. So then Lehi and his little friends gather around me asking me if im gonna "::gasp:: Actually gonna drive?" So I told them to back off so I wouldn't hit them, and since that didn't work I had to yell at them! XD Stupid kids! So then yeah I moved the car and did one hell of a parking job! ;] Man I'm so proud of myself lol.. Parking is the hardest for me when it comes to driving.

      Then I come back in and talk to Sonii and her nice little friends for the majority of the night. We basically cleared some stuff, and I feel that she understands me.. I'm glad. Things are smooth and I'm feelin' great! ^.^ Thanks Sonii..

An interesting convo. w/Sonii . . X)

s0hu: lol
s0hu:
s0hu: what a great pres...
AaJ Ka JuLieT: LOL
AaJ Ka JuLieT: AHAHAHHAHAHAHA
AaJ Ka JuLieT: DUDE
AaJ Ka JuLieT: FASHIZZLE!~
s0hu: :D
AaJ Ka JuLieT: mang
AaJ Ka JuLieT: i wish clinton was back
AaJ Ka JuLieT: he was a pimp
s0hu: same here..
s0hu: hell yes
AaJ Ka JuLieT: he would have like
s0hu: bush is like
AaJ Ka JuLieT: slept with suddam hussiens strippers
s0hu: neutered
s0hu: XD
AaJ Ka JuLieT: and everythign would have been better
AaJ Ka JuLieT: LOOL
s0hu: lol
AaJ Ka JuLieT: i mean
AaJ Ka JuLieT: if clinton could get his secritary to sleep with him
AaJ Ka JuLieT: and get more popular for it
AaJ Ka JuLieT: the earth would be in good hands
AaJ Ka JuLieT: lol
s0hu: lmao
s0hu: we need him back dammit
s0hu: >_<
AaJ Ka JuLieT: i know
AaJ Ka JuLieT: lol
AaJ Ka JuLieT: dude i mean
AaJ Ka JuLieT: bust is a old fag
AaJ Ka JuLieT: no1 wants to have sex with him cuz
AaJ Ka JuLieT: hes 2 wrinkley
AaJ Ka JuLieT: and when he moans he will be like " yee haw"
AaJ Ka JuLieT: lol
s0hu:
AaJ Ka JuLieT: LOL
s0hu: ;D suheeet
AaJ Ka JuLieT:
s0hu: ROFL
AaJ Ka JuLieT: xD
s0hu: then
s0hu: who's the girl
s0hu: ?
AaJ Ka JuLieT: here
AaJ Ka JuLieT:
AaJ Ka JuLieT: xDD
s0hu: LMAO
s0hu: OMG

Aight so thas all fer now.. until next time!

[we have come to terms]     

Hey all.. I found this music video featuring Kenshin (Samurai X) and it just expresses everything that I feel.. It shows what I once was, and what I'm slowly turning back into.. It shows the ones I've hurt, and my love.. So if any of you even care to take a look, here's the link :

http://media.gunshin.net/gs/kenshin.mpg

      It's around 52 megabytes so it's takes about 6 minutes to download for all you broadband users.. as for you 56ker's.. Well, it's just a matter of how much patience and care you have for a bastard like me..

Touch                                           I live only to die.                    .//beat<-.::discarded/i am a failure.    > [song]- {Boogiepop Phantom : Yuudachi))      |TAG||- "...insanity happens when one              continues to do the same              things, while expecting             different results!"                                                             -Mark Twain

Everything has been happening so fast. I never thought summer would heat up like this.. I think to myself, "What is this all really for?" I've been doing a lot, both bad and good. I've gained some friends, and lost a couple as well. If this roller coaster makes another loop, I might just fall out.. So then I ask you all, how's life? Heh.

    I can't exactly remember everything from the past couple days in detail, but here, I'll try my hardest.. Bowling! Yeah that's the first thing that comes into mind from last week. I don't specifically remember the day but that doesn't matter. I sucked. My arms were still in pain from lifting weights too much. I had to use like the 5 lb. ball which was still too heavy to throw.. X_x; My triceps locked up and I got a cramp. With that being said, I could proudfully say that my bowling score was terrible. Ken and Julie and Karen whooped me okay.. >_<'

On Friday I was asleep on the couch in my boxers in the living room, and guess what happens? "::wakes up:: ::sees Julie:: ::thinks - "wtf is she doing here?":: ::looks at bubble tea she brought:: oOo ::takes a sip:: ::sees ju laughing at me:: ::looks down:: .......... ::rushes to bathroom::" After that her and my mom went out somewhere and never told me where they went. Stranded at home, I decided to work out.

Then on Saturday I went to my cousins. I didn't do too much. I went swimming and then played ps2 with them and then I watched Michael while my mom and cousin went out. Lol my niece was talking to Sonii online and agreed over how mean I am. @.@; Bahh.. I can't remember anything else. XD

Then Sunday.. I was pissed off. The night before my mom schedule's an appointment for Capitol City's driving lessons. She was all, "6-8 tomorrow okay?" And I said, "In the evening? That's koo." And she looked at me and said, "No, in the morning." >_< WTF? Well I still complied and got up at friggin' 5am in the morning. Then at 6am I stand outside in the cold, waiting for an HOUR. I come back and my mom's all, "They didn't come?? Give me the phone number let me bitch them out." >.>; So yeah, somehow it all turns to PM now. I had things to do then, so I tried to cancel the appointment. Turns out the fee is $50. What the fuck, they don't even care about teaching you, just the cash!

        In a nutshell, the instructor was terrible. He was like this 30 year old all flirting 'n shit with this girl who was sitting in the back seat. She was pretty cute though, used to go to IHS. XD So yeah I'm all driving and he's having this lovely chat with her about why Chinese people should be at the top of the ladder in America. Fuck that. Not that I have anything against chinks, but I want to learn to drive okay?! So he hella kept confusing me ON PURPOSE too. I found out all of the ways to fail the fucking DMV exam. =\

On Monday I went out with Ju for some bubble tea and we rented a ton of dvd's. It was her last night here in Fremont so we just stayed at my place all night. We watched Lion King lol.. love that movie. ;D And then we saw Phonebooth. Sucked. Lol. My mom took her back home before she left to work.

Tuesday.. you all know what that day was. I think I'll wait until later today to post about that or not. I talked to Becca about it and she talked some sense into me.. you all don't have to know about my private love life. That's only what I share with you one on one. It's all just too.. special to say in here.

Yeah so yesterday I just played basketball at the courts, lifted weights, and went swimming. No jogging though, I hate jogging lol. I also continued to fix my room. There's like an empty corner of the room which I think I'm getting a punching bag for.. That should be fun.

 What good is a diary . .

. . that I'll never read.

        Her words were so kind.. Yet I knew they were too good to be true. I was right. Why is she wasting her time on me.. She's so much better than I'll ever be. Honors, Asian, Rich, Talented, Beautiful, Stylish, Elite.. Everything that I alone strive for.. I look around this room and just think to myself.. What am I? Who am I.. A lying, cheating, son of a bitch who knows no better than to hurt others for his own benefit. That's all I am. I heard so many great things from her.. it all made me cheerful. Everytime I spoke, it was all shit.. Everything about my past. I'm not good enough for anyone. I used to be so innocent when I was young.. I've fucked up time after time and I've no real excuse. This pain that I feel right now, I like it. It feels good and I can't seem but to embrace it. Could this be why I hurt others? The ones that I care for the most? By hurting them, it hurts me.. She told me so much about her friends and everything. The whole time I just sat there thinking about 'friends' I had.. Heh, I don't even have any. Not one single person popped up in my head.. My last line of hope was Julie but..

Can you just imagine what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night and see the ghost of a child softly sobbing in front of you, "Mommy, he hit me again.." His hard working mother faintly there for him, and all alone..

And then realizing that the child.. is you.

And to make matters worse Alice just went ahead and trusted me to go onto her screen name. Fuck why does everybody have to be like that. I deserve to be hated. I already know that I'm headed for Hell so why even try. I'd kill myself right now if I weren't such a coward. When I logged onto her s/n she had different groups of people.. One group consisted of 2, labeled "Fave ppl" or something special like that.. And, I was one of the two.

I think pretty soon I'm going to make another screen name and just start over.. this is all too much for me to handle. I.. I can't deal with this..

        I lost another friend, it really was all of my fault. Isn't it sad that typing something like this really seems all too familiar? I treated her terribly, and always got by just saying "I'm sorry." Already something happened between me and Sonii and it's just the beginning. I guess I really should start thinking up that new sn sometime soon..

It's been days since I've tried to update another entry, but I held back because everytime I write.. I feel lost. I know within the last couple days I lost the most important thing in my life, and this is probably going to get worse. She was my will to live.. I probably drew her away. I feel so apathetic right now, I can't even shed a tear. Everything I've done to everyone.. This is God's way of punishing me, because I deserve to suffer in despair. I've no other meaning to exist than that and that alone. Everyone who comes into my life.. is just..

I've never had any cherished dreams or ambitions.

I don't aspire to any career or profession in the future.

So far, in the first fifteen years of my life, things always happen as they had to happen.

And things will probably continue in the same way.

That's why I never really cared whether I got into an accident or something and died.

Hey!~

((((b-4 you read this xanga further.. i jus wunna tell u this iznt Jae... its Sonia!~ ^________^;; and this xanga entry iz gonna mainly be about how i met this sexy slimeball...haha))))

Welpz..it all started off in a chat room.. we were talking about video games.. and me- having 2 bros -_-; of course knew about them... so  i brought up my fave scroller.. Megaman8!~ nd then he saiz..


s0hu: Sonia- IM me

Every1 in the chat told me not 2 cuz they said he would warn me.. but i had another feeling.. i thought he was somthing diffrent under it all...it had to be somthing diffrent..

We talked about the game a lil- i thought hes personality was sO cute!!.. nd then..

He asked for my pic.. I was jokin around n said i didnt want 2 give it to him..(((((but i really didnt even HAVE a pic))))) after we got passed that.. he wasked where i lived.. i said California ^^...and he said "you live in the bay area.." I guess he knew by lookin at my xanga wich said " muhahaha im going to GA 2 mrrw"..lol that prolli gave it away.. and then we found out we lived in the same city.. and went to the SAME SCHOOL??? we both thought this was like totally cool beyond all reason... and he asked if he could tell his 5 homies.. and after that he was really sweet..we have a lil   thing going on !!!

but then he asked me for my pic again...

i told him i dont have it and i was jk b-4...and then he BLEW UP AT ME!! -____-;; started cussing at me n everything!~ i was like dude..calm down... and then he sent his friends after me!!! they were all like
" why do you hate Jason???"....but i didnt!!~ i was so overwhelmed with IMs... i got a headache.. ><; and after....

his friend IMs me and saiz the usual- like every1 else..except..he said

"Irvington" ....

i instantly knew- HE LIED TO ME ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE??? WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS GUY THINK HE IS??? TO PLAY WITH MY FEELINGS LIKE THIS??

s0hu: You know what.. go to sleep
s0hu: take some asprin
s0hu: all my friends are right.. you are just a crazy weird paranoid freak.
s0hu: dont ever talk to me again

WHATT THEEE FFFUUCCKK

Yes. i was mad. and frustrated. and that also killed me inside also.. the jerk actually made me cry. I mean come on now.. oiweyf0w8esde5983''aif[d

s0hu: all my friends are right.. you are just a crazy weird paranoid freak.

i kept thinking about that line all night.. and thinkign of him.. and thinking WHY THE FUCK IS HE MAKING ME THINK SO MUCH!? **btw** i was like totally PMSy that day... i thought of how he was so sweet.. an how he complimented me.. and how he randomly turned and started cussing at me.

The fool kept me up the whoollee night.

the next day..

he was on... i was just sitting there... thinking in my head.. wanting to IM him.. but nOO i just waited.. and thought. and thought. of how he was gonna react how everything was gonnna happen...and then i just decided to do it.. what the hell right?

it turned out it was his cousin. -________________-;;; he was playing video games while his cousin was talking to me. nd basically i rambled on about what a bastard Jae is- and his cousin agreed.. muhahaha.

later that night...

s0hu: i decided to be nice
s0hu: give you a break
s0hu: after the night before

after that we just kinda.. clicked...

BUT THEN HE REMEMBERED HE DIDNT HAVE MY PIC --ND WENT AND WAS A BITCH.

xD

then he came back nd forgave me.....

The next days were the best i have had with anyone.. in a long time...

O man.. i thought of him so much..

we were just totally getting along!!!

it was so funny tho cuz this chick- iono Joanna or somthing She hella likes jaeee muhahahahaha!~ she was like " I hate you" and all this stuff.. i was like oooo she likess himmm

             Soni's mad c00l theiory~

*Welps.. i think that she's only saying that she hates Jae cuz he allwayz says " yea i love you ::glomp:: (((xD))) and she iz like YOU BASTARD- YOU KEEP LEADING ME ON!!inside, untill one day she is just like " i hate you " and cant handle being his friend nd yea- that concludes. muhahaha!~

yea... nd then Jason went swimming..o_o;;

i think he likes swimmin because over the corse of 5 dayz i think he has gone swimming 3 >_>...

Later that night..

"slakffj ';ldgfu d;fg i cant belive my bro took off the internet...it was only 2:30AM" i think were my exact words. i was doing.. what else but talking to Jae?

i thought..hey i did save that fools number...maybe- i should call him??

so.. i did. nd it rang.................and rang..............and rang...............

lkgfo; dsiu g;deg ; wtf iz up with this guy! pick up the fone!!

and i called once more...nd it rang.................and rang..............and rang...............

"Hello you have reached sprin--"

*click* argh shows how smart he is- lol using sprint

and then again after a little while...

EXCEPT

he put his fone off....kzxfwaoiufeowu ok. that was depressing.

                 ~*~*~

Still...
I still got love for you-
Still...
After all we've been through-
Still...
I gave my heart to you-
And baby you're the.. only one

There's other men than you-
Still...
They can come close to you-
Still..
Once I said I love you-
I knew you'd be.. the only one

                  ~*~*~
Thought through all that...he was so comforting.. and sweet... 

But really.. this stuff isnt important... what really is.. is that he is such a great person.. with so many deep feelings it is hard to unlock the secret that you can really find in him...

I truely do await to discover what he is like... without the lies...just.. him...really- i dont think anyone has ever done it before.. but i guess... im willing to try...he makes me feel special...and wonderful...even if people say things about him...i dont care... becuase he is--

 Jae son Dean Hale.

someone who is truely special to me...and i hope.. i will keep him in my heart.. for a very long time..

s0hu: im glad i told you to IM me that night...
s0hu: and im glad i decided to be nice..
s0hu: and im glad that you were so forgiving...
AaJ Ka JuLieT: and im glad im falling in love with you..
s0hu: i feel the same..

....i think this is going a wee bit 2 fast... sigh....we both agreed to tone it down.. i think we are just really confused..and found eachother to confide in...i look forward to talking to him everyday...if anyhting would happen for him to be taken away from me.. i would be so crushed....

s0hu: its you r job
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: i get sick of it
s0hu: to im ME
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: LOL WHY
s0hu: ME
s0hu: because
s0hu: i always test to see
s0hu: if you IM me first
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: NO FAIR
s0hu: duh
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: DUDE
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: I TOOK YOU
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: OFF MY BL
s0hu: it makes me feel special everyday
s0hu: lmao
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: and then
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: today
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: i typed in
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: your sn
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: and you werent on my bl
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: adn i looked at your info
s0hu: lol
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: and i CRACKED
Aaj Ki Ju1ieT: and IMED YOU

thanks for reading this.. it took me a while.. but i think in the end.. it really made me realise...just...everything...

***Special Note to Julie...

Hey.. i want to say Thanks 2 you.. i dont even know you-but i can see that you really did somthing to him.. to make him like this today... 

                       Thank you Julie...

I hope all of you have learned about...anything from reading this...miricles do happen when you belive...

                                      Love,

                                               *Soni 

(((PS)))

Note from Jae:

s0hu: julie, you, me and alice
s0hu: :DDD
AaJ Ka JuLieT: LOL
s0hu: lmao
AaJ Ka JuLieT: r u implying somthing Mister?
s0hu: >.>;
s0hu: erm
s0hu: yes

s0hu: i am a pimp 8-)

AaJ Ka JuLieT: that is SO going in your xanga
s0hu: AHH
s0hu: nononononono

Luv ya Jae!~